In the weeks leading up to my birthday I noticed my to-do list was growing inconsolably. And then I thought, “I know, for my birthday I can make them all my slaves!” Gideon did inform me that next year he was getting me a present. Because anything is better than having to magic erase the ceiling.
I put them all to work.
We burned through more than seven magic erasers. The girls did the walls while the boys did the ceilings. If you wonder why you should need to magic erase a ceiling, it is simply because you have not looked at yours. Don’t. That’s what my husband kept telling me, “Stop looking at the ceiling!” Worse than that, stand up on your kitchen counter and have a good eye to eye. It is horrifying. We ran two loads of milk glass through the dishwasher and dusted the shelves. Daddy Boy pulled all the pendant lamp shades so I could dust them. He put new hinges on a broken cabinet in my bedroom. He scraped caulk off the counter in our bathroom remodel. Installed the toe-kick on the dishwasher and leveled it. He whipped out the nail gun and got the runaway pieces of molding lying about. He hung two pictures, installed brackets for Gideon’s sword, and leveled my massive filing cabinet. Gideon dusted the tops of all the doors and windows. Both boys pulled the drapes. Jael divested them of their hooks. I bleached the life out of them, put the hooks back in, dusted the drapery rods, and hung them back up. I spent hours restringing the bead curtain that has been dying a long slow death all over the house. I’ve been collecting beads in a jar for months. I windexed the light bulbs and dusted the Sputnik. My heart sang. My husband asked me, “Why are we doing all this crazy stuff again?”
“Because it’s my birthday, and I get to do what I want.” (This is what I want.) I was beginning to feel like Lot, and my righteous soul was vexed day to day over their lawless deeds. Now I feel slightly better. I still need to organize the linens and our homeschool cabinet. And the really only other thing hanging over me is to pull everything off the open shelves in the kitchen and run it all through the dishwasher.
…And remodel the entire bathroom.