Once, I Cleaned My House

I gave Futility what for this summer.  And she was like, “Ha, right back at ya.”  What can you do?


It seems liked I made remodeling messes faster than I could clean them up.  Only to have to clean them up again.  I started with the front of the house and painted the trim/door.  Then I got out the Danish oil and touched up the woodwork inside.  Touched up paint throughout.


Dusted everything, washed the fauxdenza, and ran all the milk glass through the dishwasher.  Magic erased the walls and cleaned the windows inside and out.  Had Gideon take the couch cushions out and bludgeon them to death, on top of the usual vacuuming.  Then I Febreezed the snot out of them and tried to pretend that I don’t actually need new couches.


I washed all the doors.  Marc was inside the room and could hear me scrubbing on the other side.  “Are you…washing the door?” he asked incredulously.  Like he didn’t notice the peanut butter and jelly claw marks.


I got “Men” and “Women” signs for the bathrooms, but so far no one will take me seriously.


I went through every piece of clothing in the house and updated sizes and then mopped inside of the closets.  I magic erased all of the bedrooms, cleaned the bed frames, and windows.  I painted fresh window trim in all of the rooms and then painted my room a light grey.


Earlier in the summer Marc and I finished caulking the tile in this bathroom, doing drywall patches, and changing the light fixtures so I could paint it.  Then I went ahead and painted the cabinets as well.  All that is left is for Marc to tile the floor over the winter and get the bouncy ball out of the sink drain.  Hoooney.


It’s funny, because the kitchen is what has been needing the attention and I keep working my way around it.  We’re going to subway tile up to the ceiling and put in a stainless range hood.  The problem is that the wood counters are so bad I need to pull them and entirely refinish them first.  Which means no kitchen sink.  Meanwhile, we’ll just do everything else on the house and wait until we’re flat out bored.

Will this ever happen?

IMG_4734 (1)

I did finally caulk and paint the wood trim in here, so that’s something.


Once again, I magic erased another room until my arm was going to fall off.  Then I did a mess of drywall patches and touched up some paint.


After I got the garage cleaned up I had the boys lug the green cabinet out, which freed up some space for a future sectional.  Maybe.  Meanwhile we’re sticking with the $30 futon while reminding ourselves of the not so distant past, when there was nothing to sit on at all.


One of the bigger projects was revamping the laundry room.  I’m not sure what it was, but it took me a week to get through.  Apparently I underestimated the project by 6 days.  Since we changed out the light fixture, there was a lot of drywall patching to do on the ceiling, which is the worst.  Then the walls were pretty beat up (more patching) and none of the baseboards had been caulked.


But I think the hardest part was playing Tetris with the washer and dryer.  I was covered in pink paint by the time I was done and felt like I had epitomized every preposition.


When I was done, Marc put in my new shelf and everything *fits*.   Provided I never gain weight or get pregnant.  In which case, I will have to retire laundry from duty because of irreconcilable differences.


The boys bathroom also got finished.  I had to do a huge drywall patch where the old medicine cabinet was and failed miserably.  (I am now waiting for my mother to visit.)  Marc did the tile and installed a new toilet plus toilet paper holder (long time, no see).  He also trimmed out the skeleton shelves for me and they look much nicer.  Once again, I used tubes and tubes of caulk on the molding, and then painted it all.  You can do wonders with caulk, I must say.


It’s nice to be caught up on some projects.  But I’m still amazed at the rate at which things expire.  It doesn’t matter how clean I get the house, it can be catapulted into reckless disaster in two seconds.  I console myself by saying “It’s clean underneath.”

Except for the floor.  And the entire kitchen.  I guess I made that up.


Now that I cleared my plate a little, it frees us up to focus on the front of the house which needs all new soffits and fascia.  After that, a new bathroom floor.  I’ve also got a few projects going in the bedrooms.  We need to convert the boys’ bunk bed into a triple and lose the crib.  I also need to put new legs on my bed frame so I can stain it and then install my new ceiling fan.  Once that is done, I might go all the way as to even hang a single picture.  Never know, could happen.  And AFTER THAT, just watch me, I’m going to be yanking out all the kitchen counters and having a stripper party.  This time I have learned my lesson, and will put no fewer than six coats of Waterlox on those suckers.  As well as felt pads on the toaster.

Remodeling.  Someday you just admit it and retire to a starter home in the suburbs with a tiny lawn.  Older/wiser.

One thought on “Once, I Cleaned My House

  1. Pingback: Before & After |

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